A Bullet for My Valentine

There is no love in this world, there never was, and never will be. Many of you maybe shocked, most of you may feel indifferent, some of you might be even angry but certainly at least few of you will agree to what I say by the end of this post. Lets first delve for the sake of the ignorant few ( number will be confirmed) inclusive of myself into finding out what truly is love. Google my true and loyal friend who has never let me down actually let me down when I googled for love, the first link was for a love calculator that in its own words "Calculates the chance on a successful relationship between two people" , this actually sums up how many individuals look at love, it always involves two people ( not necessary of the opposite gender) and is based on probability. I tried this calculator to find its authenticity and found out some interesting facts, I have a 66% chance, which is interpreted as reasonable with Katrina Kaif !! there is no way to actually test this out :P so I delved deeper into my intellectual and tried out some existing couples like the Ambanis, Pitts, Woods O_o etc, various results popped up which were not very satisfactory in either direction. (full report on the results will be shared in a separate excel sheet soon). I still was kind of very bored by this time so attempted to check out my compatibility with the latest girl I was smitten by, no way I am going to name here :P, so now to the results a whopping 77% yeah !! I was overjoyed and happy cause the reading interpreted this as really good chance, i ll take 77 any day as I believe anything above my Btech CGPA gives me a fighting chance. I ponder upon this a long time and call her to fix a date, my lucky day what could go wrong ? Alas! I was turned down to my horror, then I came to a conclusion love is nothing but a hoax.

No matter what the movies ( most acclaimed source of information) have taught love as such does not exist and true love is as improbable as the Gandhi family letting go the reins of power at INC. Let me first introspect myself why I don't believe in the concept of love, its because I see myself as a human and I am selfish and hence deduce that all humans are selfish so there is no scope for love. When you are selfish you cannot love at least by the definition of it. When left between the choice of his own survival and a so-called loved ones man would always choose himself when it is made pertinent that he would be neither honored after death nor bestowed upon by any heavenly grace for his act of sacrifice. I myself wouldn't do it even if I was offered both, these tendencies of mine are a story for another day lets come back to my title why would I reserve a bullet for my valentine.

Before you all get panicky and start calling all the girls you know I know and caution them not to go out on a date with me, probable psychopath and a definite sociopath, I'd like to assure you that I have no dates planned for the day and have no hope for the near future so pull down that mask of social responsibility and have some peace in life. I said I would keep a bullet in hand for my valentine but did not say I intend to kill her or harm her in any way, but neither did I say that those intentions might change according to the act she puts up. There are essentially three types of valentines the First-timer, the Hard-corer and finally the Don't-carer, this categorization can be extended in principle to all girlfriends and now lets discuss each type and what point the bullet maybe fired.

For the first-timer this is a wonderful period she is either at the prime of her youth or at least others perceive her to be at the prime of her youth, either way she is quite happy to be on a date, probably she is quite new to all this and will try to impress the guy i.e. me as much, she dresses impeccably not out interest in me but show that what I am paying for here ( I sincerely meant the bill :P), I am kind of glad to have such niceness around me and I have lot of things to say and she is most of the time excited and interested even though she may fake it at times, I am happy. Then the delve into her never ending problems, which are a mole compared to my mountain but nevertheless I comfort here but she goes on and on, finally she brings up the unspeakable the ex-boyfriend !! FIRE !! She is dead, I quietly bury her in my backyard and as we are new to each other no one actually knows we were together so unsuspected I walk Scot-free \m/

The Hard-corers as the name indicates have been through this routine for ages and have mastered the art of deceit and trickery, they know the way to a man's wallet is through his heart so there is lot of positive emotion involved and the evening fun and frolicking, if you are lucky it may go into some actually doing too, your narrator here hasn't been lucky enough, never here is a appropriate word. Nonetheless after all the fun and in hopes of further fun and lesser strain on the finances and slot for another date is pursued but now it would appear that I have done the unspeakable so a change in character so dramatic like the Atlantic in the novels, all kinds of excuses and I ll call you when I get back, FIRE !! you have never called back ever in her whole life so it befits her, throw her into the Bay of Bengal and hope that the her never ending string  of agitated ex-boyfriends keep the cops running around in girls before you either flee the country or end up a VIP.

The Don't-carer is a weird date, she is always listless and lost in her thoughts and the only reason you asked her out was because you were either desperate or she is super hot. She probably accepted your date cause she wants get back at her boyfriend for cheating against her, whatever the reason the gentleman I am will try to entertain her as much as possible even though I ll be hoping to use the proverbial bullet at any point of time, sometime you realize this is all an act to test your real commitment so you tend to try harder never the less, these end fine and sometimes the check is even picked up by her but when you are about to finish off your goodbye with a peck on her cheek you are shoved away O_o FIRE !! I kill myself to be so hasty and not knowing what the right moment is albeit its in the foot so she scampers to me like a hunted hare does to the bushes full of guilt and the girl is mine \m/

So, my dear readers its always good to carry a bullet with you on Valentines day but don't forget to have a gun in hand too, in some parts of the world like Latin America and the Indian students in Australia you better carry it even if it isn't valentine's day. The Saint was a good man, maybe the best of men but he should have used other means to unite the love-lorn adolescents than through matrimony ( I hope you get my drift ;) ). Nonetheless I am kind of sorry that the post is so late into the Day, I know most of you have already been victimized :P but for the others beware and for you beware the next year 

signing off,

The true son of Mars

God of War and Hate

Lord Voldemort  

The Freshman Conjecture

It has been a week now, since the new semester had begun. I am quite settled into my new room (took me long enough), already started bunking classes and forwarding messages to infinite number of contacts for a proxy, intoxicated myself, played football, "interacted" with few freshies, gossiped with all my friends (yes chit chatting is gossiping even for men) and wrote my first Blog!! I must remind you that the sequence presented is in no way chronological or relevant, it just a list. Like all lists every list will have a highlight, mine was the interaction part with the freshman. You may ask me if I haven't interacted (lets cut the crap who are we bluffing ragged is the word) with freshies before, the answer is yes I have, so what was special this year, nothing at all !! All freshies are the same they are plain dumb !! I don't mean they are stupid or brainless or speech impaired, they are dumb in the sense that they don't speak their mind out, never ever with any one, hence they are psychologically dumb albeit not physically. What do you call a group of clueless freshies?? ans: A Dumb !!, (btw interesting fact : a group of rhinos is called a crash 0_o).

A semester had gone by since I have written the previous paragraph, it was under wraps due to various reasons mostly owing to my laziness, nonetheless here I am trying to revive this dead blog. The title of the post "The Freshman Conjecture" might have shed some light on what would be its premise, a conjecture is a proposition that is unproven but is thought to be true and has not been disproved for the benefit of people who did not know what exactly it meant which maybe 90% of you (I was one among you too until I googled it). Conjecture is mostly used as a mathematical term than in other contexts but I feel its appropriate to use it here because after getting dome with their first basic course in mathematics MA101 half of them would have developed an aversion towards the subject and the other half would have cleared the course. I was just joking even those who could clear the course would kill their Profs if promised that it would be a perfect crime. 

When I was envisioning this post about the freshman conjecture we had good net speeds and I was able to use Facebook but now even the Lan speeds suck and FB is blocked, it blasphemy !!  I am not sure if the post even reaches its audience. Many blame the freshies for the slow LAN but we have to blame ourselves for no educating them enough about the use of LAN and the social responsibility of sharing that you carry there for the general well being of the system. I don't think this problem would last longer as its only difficult when the offspring is young for the herd to take care of it but once its gets up on its feet it will start tottering along.

Back to the necessary of blocking Fb, it uncalled for because simply people are addicted to it and when you want to stop an addiction you just don't cut-off the source but also provide a rehabilitation. I still don't actually understand why it was blocked, yes blocked is the word something about resolving issues with hostel net is just a ruse, social networking is a form of expression and the last time I checked in spite what seems to go around in this country the freedom of expression is still a basic right. They may argue that net is provided only for educational purposes and not otherwise but how could any one judge what's educational and what is not, and if so how many social networks are they going to block. Fb has come to a point where it has surpassed email as a preferred choice of online conversation and sharing, I see in the near future groups similar to google groups for courses are made on Fb too. 


Why this Kolaveri di ?
You know even as I type this post, people are trying to find effective ways to go around the system to access Fb, so stop trying to restrict us and start doing something else which would be more productive. Let get it to your face people are selfish and lazy and students are people not a herd of cows.


I am sorry that we have moved off our theme but the issue needed to be addressed. Coming back, I think I should wrap things up by saying that all freshman are foolish and they remain foolish until they become sophomores and interact with the new freshmen and realize how foolish they really were.
 This my friends is the freshman conjecture, the freshman always seem dumb to their seniors because the seniors too were freshman hence dumb at some point of time, this may seem like the title of a hindi soap "Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi Bahu thi" but nevertheless true.