A Bullet for My Valentine

There is no love in this world, there never was, and never will be. Many of you maybe shocked, most of you may feel indifferent, some of you might be even angry but certainly at least few of you will agree to what I say by the end of this post. Lets first delve for the sake of the ignorant few ( number will be confirmed) inclusive of myself into finding out what truly is love. Google my true and loyal friend who has never let me down actually let me down when I googled for love, the first link was for a love calculator that in its own words "Calculates the chance on a successful relationship between two people" , this actually sums up how many individuals look at love, it always involves two people ( not necessary of the opposite gender) and is based on probability. I tried this calculator to find its authenticity and found out some interesting facts, I have a 66% chance, which is interpreted as reasonable with Katrina Kaif !! there is no way to actually test this out :P so I delved deeper into my intellectual and tried out some existing couples like the Ambanis, Pitts, Woods O_o etc, various results popped up which were not very satisfactory in either direction. (full report on the results will be shared in a separate excel sheet soon). I still was kind of very bored by this time so attempted to check out my compatibility with the latest girl I was smitten by, no way I am going to name here :P, so now to the results a whopping 77% yeah !! I was overjoyed and happy cause the reading interpreted this as really good chance, i ll take 77 any day as I believe anything above my Btech CGPA gives me a fighting chance. I ponder upon this a long time and call her to fix a date, my lucky day what could go wrong ? Alas! I was turned down to my horror, then I came to a conclusion love is nothing but a hoax.

No matter what the movies ( most acclaimed source of information) have taught love as such does not exist and true love is as improbable as the Gandhi family letting go the reins of power at INC. Let me first introspect myself why I don't believe in the concept of love, its because I see myself as a human and I am selfish and hence deduce that all humans are selfish so there is no scope for love. When you are selfish you cannot love at least by the definition of it. When left between the choice of his own survival and a so-called loved ones man would always choose himself when it is made pertinent that he would be neither honored after death nor bestowed upon by any heavenly grace for his act of sacrifice. I myself wouldn't do it even if I was offered both, these tendencies of mine are a story for another day lets come back to my title why would I reserve a bullet for my valentine.

Before you all get panicky and start calling all the girls you know I know and caution them not to go out on a date with me, probable psychopath and a definite sociopath, I'd like to assure you that I have no dates planned for the day and have no hope for the near future so pull down that mask of social responsibility and have some peace in life. I said I would keep a bullet in hand for my valentine but did not say I intend to kill her or harm her in any way, but neither did I say that those intentions might change according to the act she puts up. There are essentially three types of valentines the First-timer, the Hard-corer and finally the Don't-carer, this categorization can be extended in principle to all girlfriends and now lets discuss each type and what point the bullet maybe fired.

For the first-timer this is a wonderful period she is either at the prime of her youth or at least others perceive her to be at the prime of her youth, either way she is quite happy to be on a date, probably she is quite new to all this and will try to impress the guy i.e. me as much, she dresses impeccably not out interest in me but show that what I am paying for here ( I sincerely meant the bill :P), I am kind of glad to have such niceness around me and I have lot of things to say and she is most of the time excited and interested even though she may fake it at times, I am happy. Then the delve into her never ending problems, which are a mole compared to my mountain but nevertheless I comfort here but she goes on and on, finally she brings up the unspeakable the ex-boyfriend !! FIRE !! She is dead, I quietly bury her in my backyard and as we are new to each other no one actually knows we were together so unsuspected I walk Scot-free \m/

The Hard-corers as the name indicates have been through this routine for ages and have mastered the art of deceit and trickery, they know the way to a man's wallet is through his heart so there is lot of positive emotion involved and the evening fun and frolicking, if you are lucky it may go into some actually doing too, your narrator here hasn't been lucky enough, never here is a appropriate word. Nonetheless after all the fun and in hopes of further fun and lesser strain on the finances and slot for another date is pursued but now it would appear that I have done the unspeakable so a change in character so dramatic like the Atlantic in the novels, all kinds of excuses and I ll call you when I get back, FIRE !! you have never called back ever in her whole life so it befits her, throw her into the Bay of Bengal and hope that the her never ending string  of agitated ex-boyfriends keep the cops running around in girls before you either flee the country or end up a VIP.

The Don't-carer is a weird date, she is always listless and lost in her thoughts and the only reason you asked her out was because you were either desperate or she is super hot. She probably accepted your date cause she wants get back at her boyfriend for cheating against her, whatever the reason the gentleman I am will try to entertain her as much as possible even though I ll be hoping to use the proverbial bullet at any point of time, sometime you realize this is all an act to test your real commitment so you tend to try harder never the less, these end fine and sometimes the check is even picked up by her but when you are about to finish off your goodbye with a peck on her cheek you are shoved away O_o FIRE !! I kill myself to be so hasty and not knowing what the right moment is albeit its in the foot so she scampers to me like a hunted hare does to the bushes full of guilt and the girl is mine \m/

So, my dear readers its always good to carry a bullet with you on Valentines day but don't forget to have a gun in hand too, in some parts of the world like Latin America and the Indian students in Australia you better carry it even if it isn't valentine's day. The Saint was a good man, maybe the best of men but he should have used other means to unite the love-lorn adolescents than through matrimony ( I hope you get my drift ;) ). Nonetheless I am kind of sorry that the post is so late into the Day, I know most of you have already been victimized :P but for the others beware and for you beware the next year 

signing off,

The true son of Mars

God of War and Hate

Lord Voldemort